For the first time in a longtime I really felt like I was rowing upstream without a paddle.

Or perhaps I had the paddle, I just didn’t know exactly how to use it?

And as I assume it is for many new moms, most of my usual coping mechanisms were put on major pause. Like feeling good physically, which always helped to minimize the stress of the unknown and assist me in navigating any challenges I’ve had so far, was not available. Getting in healthy calories or even any calories at this point was too hard, sleep was non-existent and I could barely use the restroom without a deep breath and small prayer.

However, I did know that time would quite literally heal all. And I did my very best to hold on tight to that.

After all, when life gives you lemons… you know the gist.

But when life gives you a beautiful, healthy baby, there’s something worth maintaining a strong spirit around. In addition to the reality that this precious time is fleeting. I knew it would behoove me to soak it all up as much as possible, along with the undeniable roadblocks I experienced and feared ahead.

I want to take a second to acknowledge how significantly several external factors were in creating this opportunity for my own personal perseverance in this life moment, as it is different for everyone.

First and foremost, the emotional support of my partner who has truly stepped into parenting with me as a true equal. He’s been completely engaged and dedicated to playing an active role in these early months, caring for both our baby and myself. Aside from him genuinely wanting to be a part of caring for Parker and looking after my well-being out of love, he’s had the privilege of being able to do so with a flexibility not all fathers tend to have in this country. I know he’d still have been there in spirit for every feeding those first two weeks if he had a strict 9-5 to show up for, however, I’m so incredibly grateful he was able to dedicate this time to us without risking his career. Unfortunately, this is not the case for most partners, it’s not even always the case for most new mothers which I believe we need to change in this country.

Second, economic stability is the elephant in the room. It’s incredibly expensive to have a child, from pre-natal care, to birth, to having the luxury of purchasing a SNOO to automatically sooth your baby and get an extra hour of sleep. It takes a village to raise a child, and I would add it takes a village to support a mom. But in the way we’ve setup parenthood in this country it’s almost impossible without readily available extended family, a partner with economic flexibility or the financial resources to hire help.

And even with all of those things available to you, being a new parent is still extremely hard. For me the biggest adjustment was living without a routine, at least one that doesn’t require me to be awake every three hours with almost little to no “free time.”

But after about 6-7 weeks postpartum I slowly started to feel better physically and finally settled into somewhat of a routine, albeit a very new, very “flexible” one. One that thankfully allows me time to move my body, eat my lunch and write this blog. All of which has been made possible by the little village I’ve been so lucky to create around me and my little lemoncello.

I recognize how fortunate I am to have family close by that are willing and able to help, a partner who can and wants to be actively involved and the emotional, financial, and now physical support I need to survive the tough moments, be present in the many magical ones.

Ones like today, when my little guy grew into his citrus inspired pajamas I ordered while 7 months pregnant, dreaming of a moment just like this.

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