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[bigletter]They say the days are long but the years are short and I feel that! I have no idea how an entire month has passed {and then some it’s hard to keep up in real time}. It feels like forever ago heading into lunch with contractions that day and delivering a baby the next! My life before Parker also feels so distant, yet this one also feels so new if that makes any sense at all? All in all this has been a wonderful journey so far, despite the frequent anxiety of the unknown, the change in independence and perpetual jet lag without a stamp in my passport to show for it![/bigletter]
But no matter how unnerving hearing his unidentified little cries at night can be I always land back at the same place, with the upmost gratitude and love for my little man!
To preface this post: I write this and all other future entries about parenting from an extremely narrow perspective, one not based in medical expertise, often with very little self-assuredness, but rather just my own authentic experience. I want to recognize many of the privileges I have as a new mother such as the emotional, familial and financial support many parents might not. I say this to acknowledge how significant these factors are in the overall experience and ease at which people parent having worked with so many in my career up until now. Keep in mind that comparison is never the goal, but individual authenticity always is. So I encourage any mamas out there to take everything I say with that in mind.
Breastfeeding, Formula, Pumping
From the beginning of my pregnancy I promised myself I wouldn’t force myself to breastfeed out of guilt or shaming. I knew I wanted to try it out and make the decision for myself, however, that didn’t mean others around me went without opinions! Many people have been pushy about whether or not I am breastfeeding and it’s been annoying at best to kindly tell them to f*ck off.
However, I have figured out my groove and settled into a routine of breastfeeding, supplementing with formula and pumping whatever milk I can. After working with a lactation consultant we learned I wasn’t producing enough milk on my own so my husband and I spent a lot of time trying to find a good formula to supplement, more recently settling on Bobbie Brand which was recommended to us.
Parker seems to have some digestion issues but it’s really hard to tell at this point if it’s truly an issue or just normal for a young baby! Whatever it is I wish I could take it away for him but I’ve tried a few things like tummy massages, gas drops, leg cycling and extra burping/sitting upright after feeds as recommended by my doctor, praying it gets better soon!
Our Pediatrician
After having a not so encouraging experience with my OBGYN, I feel like karma has paid off with our absolutely wonderful pediatrician Dr. Inessa Grinberg of Beverly Hills Pediatrics. She was recommended to us by family friends and I am so glad we found a pediatrician and practice of pediatricians who really seem to care about supporting us as parents, in a addition to our little Parker. They are a full vaccination practice and have an urgent care in house on weekends with their own doctors which is wonderful, in addition to being on call themselves, instead of using an outsourced answering service. They also have a lactation consultant in house which is super convenient as she works in tandem with the doctor.
Sleep
It’s hit or miss but for the most part he is sleeping a good amount in between feeds. It has been challenging, however, to get a good sleep myself with him in the nursery where I’ve been sleeping every night. Recently my husband and I started alternating nights so one of us can get a good amount of sleep, however, I still have to wake up every three hours to feed him or pump.
Fortunately his longest stretch came to about 6 hours after his post bath feed around 8pm, which seems to be the best sleep he gets every day. We took an early sleep training class to prepare us before formal sleep training can begin at four months. Essentially it’s all about getting them on a good routine of eating well and sleeping well during the day to help them sleep longer stretches at night. At this point he wakes at least 2-3 times between 8pm and 8am, with his longest stretch always being the first.
Like I mentioned earlier, the SNOO has been helpful getting him back to sleep but isn’t a miracle worker, but I’m praying it becomes a bit more useful as he gets bigger.
Postpartum Recovery
So far I’m feeling a lot better in my body overall, however, I’m still having some discomfort down there and it’s been a process patiently waiting for my body to heal. Before giving birth I was most apprehensive about the healing my body would need postpartum, however, I’ve realized that comfort is all I’m really craving. I just want to be able to walk farther distances and get decent sleep. Oh and more than one or two scattered meals throughout the day would be nice too, but that might just be asking too much at this point!
Mentally I’m doing just okay. I’ve have low points that result in tears and a few moments of worry but for the most part things are good. Ive noticed my mood is primarily contingent on my sleep, as anyone could imagine. If I get at least 4-5 hours a night of sleep than I’m going to have a much better day ahead of me and at this point that is mostly possible at least every other night as my husband and I switch off.
I think a good deal of postpartum depression and anxiety is based off the lack of basic needs being met such as sleep, physical comfort, nutrition and human connection. Having good people, podcasts or a nap to rely on seem to make a world of difference for me and I’d imagine it does for most new moms.
Oh sh*t he’s awake!
Outside of tummy time we weren’t super prepared for Parker to be awake without needing food or a diaper change! It’s funny how once you feel like you kind of know what you’re doing, development happens and now baby needs something else!
So when he is awake in between feedings we will either read to him, put him in the bouncer, tell him stories, play him music and show him high contrast colors. It’s amazing seeing him transform from sleepy newborn into a little being with a personality! I love when he looks at me with those big eyes and even more so when I catch an occasional smile, it’s the absolute best feeling in the world!
