By 
[bigletter]It’s been TEN YEARS since I hopped off a plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan…
More like oversized sunnies and the goal of not becoming the Heidi Montag of Heidi and LC, although I see Spencer at Erewhon all the time and they seem to be doing pretty good all things considered but I digress!
There was so much awe and excitement around moving to Los Angeles, fresh out of college, with a bucket full of romanticized plot lines of where my life would go. After studying abroad in Italy for a semester I was eager to take on another new place and my best friend Emma had convinced me that LA would be way cooler than New York. And I knew I had the option for an adventure somewhere else after my two year graduate program finished.
But as I lay awake late the evening of August 20th, 2011, with a one way ticket out of Chicago the next day, my starry eyes wandering like an eager tourist on a star bus swerving down Sunset Boulevard, I knew that my big adventure would start right here.[/bigletter]
So I did what any fashion obsessed millennial from the Midwest would after moving to LA, I bought a convertible and started a blog, swearing I’d never drive without the top rolled down, even if just for a trip to Whole Foods in search of that goddamn delicious garlic cheese pasta. Those first couple years here were everything and more of what you’d expect from early twenty-somethings living in a big city. Heartbreakingly, albeit hilarious dating stories, wild nights amongst the famous and fabulous, constantly oscillating between seeking independence or craving the comfort of childhood and just the general bewilderment over the fact that this was our life, with undeniable parallels to storylines from the basic white girl bible, The Hills.
But as always one can only eat so many spicy tuna on crispy rice sets before the glitter needs to be removed with a heavy treatment of vaseline following a hazy night in Bootsy Bellow’s back room. When real life takes center stage, no matter what Hollywood script you’re selling or how many connections you have. Those who live in Los Angeles may bask in year round sunshine but they can’t escape heartbreak, horrible bosses, toxic friendships and the absolute worst; traffic.
I stopped rolling down that convertible top about three months in, after one too many close calls on the 10 freeway.
People tend to think of Angelenos as greedy, conceited and shallow, but I’m here to spill the top Hollywood tea and tell you that is just not the case. Every human, no matter how much money, fame or lip filler they posses, is complex and most certainly not immune to pain. Getting broken up with by a guy from Milwaukee hurts just as much as being rejected by the club hopping, Harvard Westlake grad who told you he started his own sock line over a McCarthy salad at the Polo lounge even though you know deep down that his “company” seed money didn’t come from a legitimate angel investor.
Feeling left out and managing my peer comparison via photos of my friends at The Bungalow without me as I scrolled through the relatively new Instagram app hangover at New York Bagel on a Sunday was still hard. Thankfully Emma and I were fortunate and met a solid group of girls after about a year of trial and error, one that at least landed us a sobering interlude with a 90s sitcom star we all looked up to in our most formative years.
So I did what any fashion obsessed millennial from the Midwest would after moving to LA, I bought a convertible and started a blog, swearing I’d never drive without the top rolled down, even if just for a trip to the Whole Foods in search of that goddamn delicious garlic cheese pasta.
But if you can hang around long enough to push past the potential letdown of the grass not always being that much greener in a city who’s rigid drought mandates haven’t changed the pristine lawns of 90210, you eventually realize that like everywhere else, building real relationships takes time and a level of authenticity about who you surround yourself with that even a reunion with Andy Cohen can’t sort out for you.
Those initial friendships from that group evolved in a myriad of ways, as people always show you their true colors if you’re willing to see them. Many blossomed into my core relationships now. Making friends as an adult is never easy, however, if it’s something important to you then it’s worth investing time and saying yes to every opportunity, which Emma and I did. Aside from meeting people through school, I joined the Junior League, I went to book club, I volunteered. Saying yes to an evening of potentially awkward conversation with people you don’t know is not appealing after a long stressful day when the sun goes down at 5pm (yes, that happens here too). But if you can muster the courage it will pay off, even one solid friend or fun acquaintance will make it all worth it in the end. And eventually, I found “my people.”
And if you think navigating friendships in Los Angeles is hard, try dating.
My goodness the stories I wish I could tell you: unfortunately I signed an NDA.
KIDDING!
But I bet a lot of the ladies I spun with at SoulCycle did.
My only feedback is that if he can’t text you back to make a legitimate plan then he sure as hell won’t be waking up for the baby, which I am proud to say my husband does. Know your worth or pay a therapist to show it to you, more thoughts on dating here.
People tend to think of Angelenos as greedy, conceited and shallow, but I’m here to spill the top Hollywood tea and tell you every human, no matter how much money, fame or lip filler they regularly inject, is complex and not immune to pain.
And Fortunately this whole time I had Emma, my partner in crime when it came to navigating all the relationships in those early years, one having been initiated via her cookie Twitter.
Yes, you read that right, Emma had a Twitter account about the best cookies in Los Angeles.
It’s a special breed of us folks that move to La La Land after all.
It took about four years into living here before I finally felt more settled and started to realize that Los Angeles was the only city I’d really been an “adult” in, whatever the hell that means. Going back to Chicago to visit family and friends solidified my roots as an independent young woman (LOL) here in LA as I now had something to come back to. By that point I had graduated with my Master degree in Social Work, quit my first job six months in and started practicing psychotherapy at a non-profit.
I had a consistent group of girlfriends, lived in a neighborhood I loved and found a nice boyfriend. Let’s just say he came at the right time, after having established a real life for myself first, which I look back on with gratitude for. That relationship didn’t end up working out long-term, but I am so thankful for the lessons I learned about myself and what I really wanted out of my life.
The summer following that breakup really put things into perspective for me and as sad as I was about “starting over” I just can’t help but look back with a huge smile on my face. I can hear Rihanna and Calvin Harris’ hit track This Is What You Came For playing in my mind. My tears wiped dry with the anticipation around what was to come and the undeniable confidence that any new relationship would have to be truly spectacular this time.
Here I was living this incredible life in a city made famous for it’s exuberance and ostentation, yet my work could not be anymore opposite. It was the legitimate daily challenge of battling trauma that kept me grounded and grateful, allowing me to truly cherish the beauty around me on a magnified scale, hence why I have this outlet to document it all.
It was the comeback of all comebacks for me, kind of like when Carrie Bradshaw picked her bejeweled behind up after falling down on the runaway while wearing the most ridiculously unrelatable rhinestone underwear and blazer ensemble and being referred to as fashion roadkill by her best friend.
How is it that every episode of Sex and The City is and is really not that relatable?
Aside from having my full on #HotGirlSummer before #HotGirlSummer was officially a thing, I made some big strides professionally too. The non-profit I worked for at the time created a new position that was perfect for me and quite frankly saved me from being beyond burnt out working with traumatized foster youth, which I had been doing for quite some time. This experience was perhaps the most eye-opening of them all. Here I was living this incredible life in a city made famous for its exuberance and ostentation, yet my work could not be anymore opposite. It was the legitimate daily challenge of battling trauma that kept me grounded and grateful, allowing me to truly cherish the beauty around me on a magnified scale, hence why I have this outlet here to document it all. I absolutely had found my niche in trauma work and even though us therapists aren’t supposed to pick favorites there was of course that one client who absolutely changed my life in ways I’m not allowed to disclose. And I’m still forever cheering for them. But at the same time I needed some distance from the frontline and supervising interns was my golden ticket to reinvigorating my spirit.
That same summer also brought me one of my nearest and dearest friends, the Nicole to my Paris, the Hallie to my Annie, all stemming from a Craiglist ad if you can believe it. Leila’s big move from the east coast represented that same of theme of starting over to me, but with a renewed appreciation for this city and the life I had already built within it. Yet another opportunity to truly embrace its entirety, staring me in the face, like when Lauren realized she should have never said no to Paris.
This was my big moment of growth, the summer of 2016 that bled into the fall of 2016 when Donald Trump took office. Exposing me to what I never wanted to believe about our country. I can’t explain what it was like for anyone else, but personally I had to grieve the progress I thought our country had made, which I promptly did over the champagne sangria from Ivy at the Shore. I had to come to terms with how heavily my privilege shielded me from truly acknowledging the rampant sexism and racism American culture and enterprise was built on. For the first time I truly felt my minority status, I felt my country had voted over me and my rights as a woman.
But I wasn’t alone, in fact, none of us were. We had the entire country either enraged over those who didn’t support our new President and those who did. I saw women wake up in ways I hadn’t yet in this lifetime, I for the first time felt emboldened enough to call myself a feminist.
Out loud.
What a fun time to start dating again! Sigh
When Donald Trump took office I had to grieve the progress I thought our country had made. I felt my country had voted over me.
Fortunately Jswipe lead me straight into the arms of my now husband, who’s proven ten times over that true love is about respect and real partnership can exist. Our relationship was special from the start and was oh so worth waiting for. Arthur is unlike any partner I’ve ever had before or rather allowed myself to choose. He’s nurturing, encouraging, inspiring and challenges me in unprecedented ways, in addition to leaving wet towels on my stuff and more super annoying things I won’t publicly announce but boy he can drive me nuts oh. my. God.
Our marriage is by no means perfect, but we did have the perfect wedding and now the most perfect little baby three months ago. Of course most fairytales end here, but my life is no fairytale.
Since starting my own practice during the pandemic and becoming a mom to more than just my two furry daughters, I continue to have more dreams to pursue as I look ahead towards the next decade. If I’ve learned anything over these last two years it’s that being fulfilled means striking balance between being grateful for where I am while also looking forward towards what I’d still like to achieve. And that next goal, in the most simple terms, is a spot on The View!
At least for right now.
But wherever these next ten years take me, I know it won’t be without authentic introspection, heartbreak and hopefully some uber chic outfits. Here’s to looking forward to the long road ahead.
Thanks for the memories so far.
